Many people have asked us, “Hey, when’re you guys gonna review a really shitty place and trash it?” As fun as that may sound, we’d really prefer to eat nothing but the best pizza around and save ourselves the disappointment. However, on an unseasonably warm day in October, we decided to finally give in to our fans. So submitted for the approval of the Doughboy society, we present to you the Northeast Philadelphia Pizza Crawl: A two hour journey that featured a slice at eight different pizzerias up and down Frankford Avenue.
Original Boston Style Pizza:
Castro: Definitely one of my neighborhood favorites. 27 years and counting, flipping pies off Passmore Street. Today we got a bacon pizza. I dig it. I’ve always dug it. I’ve drunk dialed them on numerous occasions from the confines of a well-lit fire pit. They continuously and consistently serve up one of the better pies on the avenue. I gotta give OBSP the thumbs up for feeding me what would eventually be one of two decent slices of the night.
Plichter: Truth be told, I’ve never been a fan of Original Boston Pizza. But when compared to the other crap we ate today, they weren’t half bad. The bacon was crispy and flavorful, and the cheese had a decent texture, but that couldn’t make up for their cardboard crust.
First England Pizza:
Castro: I asked the gentleman with the Eastern European accent and the pork chop sideburns behind the counter how long they’ve been in business. To which he responds “I don’t know…70, maybe 80 years?” Yeah, okay. I kinda doubt First England was making pies during the prohibition era. Not to mention the menu says “since 1970.” Don’t waste your time. The pizza was fucking horrific. You’re better off putting your $1.50 into a high interest yielding account…or just throwing it in your local trashcan. Thumbs down.
Plichter: The dude working the counter at First England said they had been open for about 70 or 80 years. Their menu clearly states that they’ve been “serving Mayfair since 1970.” Need I say more? I seriously wouldn’t be surprised if they dressed a gorilla in a human costume and taught it how to use a cash register, cause this guy was dumb. The only thing worse than their dirty interior was their awful pizza. The place was a dump and their pizza was shit.
Castro: Honestly, I’ve never eaten here before today. I’ve never even given this place a 2nd glance when driving up the Avenue. I gotta say I wasn’t impressed. They don’t offer slices so I assumed they’d put all their effort into making sure the one you do get is above par. This was not the case. It was just…pizza. Mediocre at best. Thumbs even steven.
Plichter: Pizza City is a guilty pleasure of mine. There, I said it. At the end of the day, Pizza City provides a decent pizza at a reasonable price. A large pizza costs around ten bucks, they deliver up to 1am usually, and they’re better than almost any of the shitty alternatives on Frankford Ave. If you’ve had Pizza City in the past and were disappointed, try their pepperoni tomato pie next time. It’s a personal favorite.
New London Pizza:
Castro: I found 3 menus in my front door a few days ago to New London. This is the only reason I knew this place even existed. We ordered a pepperoni slice. Do you wanna know the best part about this pizza? It was the fake mustache novelty machine in the store. 50 cents gets you a pretty awesome, low quality stash. Oh yeah, by the way…the pizza fucking sucks here. You should just get 20 mustaches instead of ordering a pizza from this dump. Thumbs down.
Plichter: Question: If pizza originated in Italy, why are some pizza places named “England” and “London?” And then the people who work at these places are almost always Greek! New London Pizza, which has been open for about two years, operates out of the old Pizza Depot location right by Wellington and Frankford. And if I were them, I wouldn’t get comfortable at that location. Not even the fake mustache dispenser could make up for their overcooked pizza that had obviously been sitting out all day. Well…it almost made up for it.
Castro: This little eyesore has been open for business just over 2 years. There was nothing special about this pizza that without looking at a picture of me eating it, would make me remember it. It was plain. It was bland. It had cheese. It had sauce, and it had crust. That’s about it. I took a single bite and everything I needed to know about that pizza was right there. Thumbs down.
Plichter: Super Star Pizza. If the pizza was as tasteless as the name, we were in trouble. And sure enough it was. I was extremely disappointed, especially considering their menu touts without originality that they’re the “Best in Town!” Any place that claims to be the “best” in anything is usually just a letdown waiting to happen. I was more than happy to let down their pizza into the garbage.
Castro: There are so many bad things I wanna say about this pizza. We sat on the sidewalk outside of the daycare across the street with this abomination of a plain slice. It was thick. It was soggy. It was limp. The sauce was like water. The crust tasted like they coated it with margarine before they baked it. The best part about this visit was when a bum pushing a shopping cart banged into my shoe and left a pretty rad scuffmark on it. I’ve never eaten Mayfair pizza before this day and hopefully I never will again. Thumbs dizown!
Plichter: I couldn’t help but laugh as soon as I walked into Mayfair Pizza. I even considered throwing the pizza directly into the trash before we even tasted it. Words can’t describe how awful this pizza was. The rubbery texture of the cheese, along with the fact that my slice literally fell apart before I could hoist it into my mouth, led me to believe that even a homeless man wouldn’t eat their “pizza.” The only redeeming part of this visit was the cigarettes for sale and the hidden closet door in their wall. So if you’re into secret doors and cigarettes, check out Mayfair Pizza. But if you’re into good pizza, avoid it.
Bill’s Family Pizza:
Castro: Just when I thought Mayfair pizza was gonna take the title of worst pizza on the ave. In comes Bill’s. Let’s weigh the pros and cons here of this fine establishment:
1. A Leslie Nelson movie was playing on a TV inside the store.
1. The pizza fucking sucks.
2. They have the balls to charge $2 a slice for this garbage.
3. The dude behind the counter had a sleeveless Godsmack shirt on.
4. The pizza fucking sucks.
I have no idea how this place stayed in business for 15+ years. It looked like frozen pizza that was microwaved, sat out overnight and then warmed in the oven. I took one bite and spit it out. I felt it only necessary to run the remainder of my slice over with my jeep. No really, I totally did. “I heard O’Bannion backed his truck over some pizzas and made some freshmen eat it.” 4 Thumbs down.
Plichter: And just when I thought we had already been to the dirtiest and worst pizza places in the neighborhood, enter Bill’s Pizza. This was the worst thing I’ve even eaten. EVER. Not only was it terrible, it was the most expensive at two dollars a slice. Other than the Leslie Neilson movie on the television, it was an absolute nightmare. It was so bad that we felt obligated to run the pizza over with Castro’s car.
Castro: Gino’s has long been at the top of the pizza pyramid in Mayfair. It’s no secret that they can go head to head against anyone on the avenue and come out on top. While my dad was alive, this was his spot. Plain cheese. Nothing more…nothing less. We grabbed a sausage slice to change things up a little. It was perfect. Sweet meat, flavorful melted cheese and a crispy, charred crust. I love the fact that you can walk in and grab a slice. OR, you can sit down and actually have a waitress take your order. Most of you have probably heard of Gino’s. If you haven’t, I highly recommend you make a night of it. Thumbs all the way up. Thank you Gino for saving the night and earning the title “Frankford Avenue pizza god.”
Plichter: We couldn’t end this review without visiting the king of the Frankford Ave pizza: Gino’s. Gino’s is the best pizzeria on Frankford Ave, if not in the northeast. I’d even say they can compete on a citywide level with any other pizzeria. I’m not gonna go into detail about this, because if you haven’t had Gino’s pizza, you’re fuckin stupid. Don’t feel obligated to order any pie in particular because they’re all perfect.