Here we are, week 2. The Elite 8. These eight powerhouses have proven themselves worthy enough to move forward into pizza stardom and becoming one step closer to frozen pizza champions of the world. Disagree with the current standings do you? Then go eat a turd. Stay tuned for the final four and keep your ovens on pre-heat.
Ellios VS. Pizza Rolls
Man, oh man. This is the broke man’s round. Should I buy a gallon of gas? Or cheap yet fulfilling pizzas from the frozen aisle? Yeah, that would’ve been my choice too. Even though pizza rolls are sold by the sackful and they make one badass midnight snack, Ellios has been around since I was watching G.I joe cartoons on Saturday mornings. The endless choice of additions at your disposal with Ellios (like someone’s suggestion of sprinkling old bay on top) are the hook shot at the buzzer that sent them into the next round. We’re truly sorry Totino, but there’s always next season. -JC
California Pizza Kitchen VS. Red Baron
Last week’s surprising upset between DiGiorno and Red baron was all I heard about for the first couple of days. “What are you crazy?! DiGiorno is wayyyyy better than Red Baron!” Meh, if DG spent more time focusing on taste over advertising, we’d be singing an entirely different tune right now. Anyway, the 4 cheese Red baron was one of the best frozen cheese pizzas I can remember eating in the longest. It was super crispy and the variety of different cheeses gave it a flavor that stood out from the competition. Having said all that, California Pizza Kitchen makes some of the BEST gourmet pizzas around. I mean, have you tasted the BBQ chicken pizza?! As much as I adore the Baron’s scarf flapping in the wind, the newcomer CPK won this dogfight and soared into the final four. -JC
Stouffer’s French Bread VS. Lean Cuisine.
Listen. I’m the first guy to flip over the package to check the fat and calorie content on my foods…but not when it comes to pizza. Mad props to Lean Cuisine for making a product that appeals to the health conscience pizza population, but this bracket challenge is all about taste. Stouffer’s French bread may not be the best thing if you’re trying to lose that turkey neck, but it sure does taste amazing. The noise that crisp piece of sauced bread hitting your plate is a sound for sore ears. The twin pack of French bread pizzas easily toppled the savvy, low calorie snack of the Lean Cuisine franchise and inched closer to taking the crown. -JC
Newman’s Own VS. Tombstone
Considering these are two totally different pizzas, it’s hard to pin them against each other. And I especially feel torn between my love of Tombstone the pizza and Paul Newman the actor. If you want a REALLY decent frozen veggie pizza, you need not look further than Newman’s Own. But I owe my robust and gelatinous childhood physique to Tombstone. Tombstone wins this round, but never count Newman out. -JP