Lorenzo and Sons
305 South Street
This review is a long time coming, especially considering how we’re supposed to be these big time Philly pizza connoisseurs and whatnot. I’m going to be completely and utterly honest with what I have to say in the next few paragraphs. I will undoubtedly gain a rather large following of haters for speaking my mind on this topic. Lorenzo and sons pizza. A South Street landmark for as long as I can remember. It’s always been one of the more popular spots in the city for slices. When I was 13 and my mom first allowed me to take the train by myself, my day would usually consist of buying movie posters, CD singles from tower records, various things from condom kingdom that I would never use (probably because I was fat, ugly and stupid and no girl would ever think twice about touching me) and i’d cap it all off with a mammoth slice of za’ from Lorenzo’s. There’s no mistaking those gigantic slices that easily cover 2 whole paper plates.
Now that I’ve gotten my personal history with Lorenzo’s out of the way, I’d like to state my case on why Jonny Castro dislikes this particular pizza. This is in no way a new gripe or concern either. I’ve felt this way about them ever since I first laid bite on this slice 17 years ago. Lorenzo’s is nothing more than a novelty item. Something someone made as a joke one day and ended up sticking. Okay, we get it. You make really big pizza. Probably the biggest anywhere within 100 miles of Philly; but it tastes like every other pizza I’ve ever had…except you get roughly 2 1/2 slices worth of pizza for the price of one and it’s open until 4 am. This pizza is nothing more than a fake flower you wear on your tuxedo that squirts water. A hand buzzer. A pen that shoots out disappearing ink. It’s a gag. It’s the Macarena dance of food. I feel like the hype should’ve died down a really long time ago. Could I possibly be the only person alive that feels this way about Lorenzo’s pizza?! Is this like the twilight zone episode where the girl thinks she’s ugly and gets plastic surgery to look like everyone else, when in reality, it’s everyone else that’s ugly?! I guess I’ll never understand what people see in this place.
You wanna grab a slice from Lorenzo’s? Cool, I’m down. But don’t insult me and Plichter by hashtagging “#bestpizzaintheworld”. I’ll get super shitty at Manny Browns and then walk down the street at closing time to satisfy my drunger (drunk hunger), but that’s the extent of my love for LZ and sons. They’re an overrated pizza parlor that pumps out a pie that only someone from the suburbs would call “the best.” Lorenzo should have threw in the towel while their ashes were still smoldering.
Whether or not you’re a fan of Lorenzo and Sons, I think we can all agree that they’re a part of this town and South Street. For me, their presence is more about the nostalgia than the pizza. I had spent many a night there in my heyday, drunk on cheap beers from Makos and trying to formulate an order. But that was the old me, which was also ironically the young me. Makos doesn’t exist anymore, and my pizza tastes have developed over the years. This venture back was going to be interesting.
If you’ve had their pizza before and liked it, you’ve got nothing to worry about at Lorenzo and Sons. Despite the fact that they’re using new ovens, their pizza tastes exactly as I remembered it: like… pizza. It’s nothing to write home about. It’s neither good nor bad, but the value and memories outweigh anything else. I mean, can you really get a bigger slice of pizza for around three bucks?? You can’t even get a sandwich at Wawa for under seven bucks, and you have to be wasted to actually enjoy it. (I should mention that I’m REALLY disappointed with Wawa food as of late. The only time that it’s acceptable to consume is when you’re wasted beyond belief, and even that’s questionable.)
So in closing, I implore you all to once again embrace this newly revamped Lorenzo and Sons Pizza. For what they lack in originality, they make up for in character and value. They’re by no means my favorite in Philadelphia, but it’s good to have them back in the pizza community. I hope that Makos somehow follows suit and reopens so I can pretend to be 22 all over again. Welcome back.